In the preparation to leave it was fairly busy and my own thoughts were on organising all we could for him and to make his transition easy to his new adventure.
However on the day before and last Saturday when he actually left I was left with a very big emotional problem. It was really, really hard to say good bye. In fact I have put off writing this because when I think about the type of things I was upset about and what it made me think of it just makes me cry all over again.....as again I am trying now not to do!
All through the final days I was thinking of the relationship that he and I have. One that I believe is a special one forged over the years, from the time of his childhood to the relationship we have now. Obviously it is different from when Kynan was a little boy, s it should be, as he is a young man with opinions and ideas of his own. But I believe that we have shared many wonderful memories together.
If I didn't have that to think about I think it would be quite traumatic. The most teary episodes before Kynan left was the remembering of the special bonds that we share. Things that I wouldn't normally think about, things that are so ordinary in the scheme of things, the little shared moments that make up the bulk of our lives.
An example being, I could always rely on Kynan to keep me company late at night, (when all others including my dear husband had gone to bed) when I would be busy planning things or finishing up chores. We could watch late night movies while I worked on one project or other. This was a situation that was never planned and actually developed while Stephen was working away interstate for over 4 years. While this was an unplanned way of things of the future, we would often stay up talking and planning many things.
In a home with many and varied personalities it is probably not surprising that you find that some of the children will be like a parent. Having some or a lot of good and bad characteristics. Kynan and I share some of these together and probably this also was a factor in our fairly close relationship. We both are almost 100% of the time optimistic, we are both lovers of the land and the desire to own and cultivate land is strong in both of us. I know looking positive and working out how we can get something done is a trait we both share. Getting on and getting the job done even if it is unpleasant was something we could always plan together.
Now as I was reminiscing over all the fun times and the working through difficult situations that Kynan has been involved in with not just me but his father and siblings as well, I started to think: Have I developed this relationship with all our children? Will I have the same heart wrenching feelings when each of them leave home?
I know that some times our lives are so busy now, it is different having a mixture of different age children, from a almost due baby to a 21 year old. The things we used to do with a smaller family and different circumstances are different....there is no denying that.
But are the basic principles and goals we have for the children still at home still as important or right for our family now?
My resounding answer is YES!!
Is the way we implement them the same?
Sadly my answer to this one is .....not all the time.
Sometimes I forget that our little ones, really to whom I am thinking about, do get lost in the shuffle of supposedly more important 'older children stuff.' The theory of 'trickle down' teaching cannot be relied upon to build relationships that will stand the test of time and outside influences, and frankly I need to work on this some more with our smaller ones.
I do need to spend more of the savouring moments with them. I need to stop more and enjoy the snuggles and cuddles, the going to look at the new flowers peeping up rather than finishing up the chore or sometimes less important planning activities.
The smaller ones may seem to outward appearances more demanding but in my experiences over the last few years the older children and the issues and the time demanding aspects of these relationships really does demand a lot more of parents. Our little ones with their small and consistent questions or 'come and see' or read me a story, does pale significantly with the emotional and time commitment that older children need.
So over the next few weeks and months I know I need to focus more on these precious little people that share our home and our hearts. I aim to really look forward into the future and know as these future older children leave to pursue their own interests that I have done all I am capable of in sharing our love, our values and the hope for their future with them, and that through this our relationship will be as strong as it can possibly be.
So I will be enjoying each and every moment with our precious little blessings!! How blessed I am to be able to do that and I pray that I never take this or them for granted.
Blessings to you and your homes,
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